In Pursuit of Experience

Over this past year I have more and more frequently found myself starting things and then my attention quickly slides off, much like the trying to catch a greased pig metaphor. One moment I’m reading, and the next I’m just staring blankly at text on a page. One of those things is writing a blogpost. I started many and though the ideas made sense to me, I’d slip off before I really got anywhere near a finished product. This sliding off experience has been so common of late that I have been trying to simply sense the experience of the energy that was tugging me away. What came to me was “This isn’t it.” Whatever I was doing was not taking me where I wanted to go. But where did I want to go? In that moment it seemed like the year and a half of Zoom calls, both attentively listening and doing practices, had been taking me to different, deeper frequency ranges. And whatever experiences that had once called to me were no longer sufficient to satisfy whatever it was that I was being drawn towards. It seems that what had been a suitable pathway had done its job to get me to a certain station on the road, but the terrain now went beyond the vibrational lure that led me to this point. And then, a flash of understanding.

For nearly all of my life I’ve been wondering what the hell I’m doing on this planet, and the answer that arose was: just to have experiences. That insight flowed into me and I could feel myself being washed clean of any notion that I had ever had about how things are. It is so simple that it’s hard to fathom that I did not see it before. I’m still just sitting with the inflow, as it “news” me. Though some patterns and thoughts I have seen in the past may still hold true, they must all be reassessed from what a friend called this new “un-framing.” I suspect that many will be discarded and that many will remain true, but all will have a different take. And now that I’ve arrived at this space to which I was drawn, will I be led elsewhere when the acclimation to this space is farther along? Perhaps, but that can unfold when it does.

So what if some of us did only come to this planet to have experiences? If you look at young children, they are typically joyful, they wonder, explore, play, share, delight and are awed. They are more unfettered by enculturation so more exemplify our fundamental natures. What if all of these lovely experiences feel different within each of the uncountable frequency ranges that exist, and are unfolding, and we just want to experience every one of them? The kid in the candy store comes to mind, as well as the derided “monkey mind.” Being in this physical place not only opens up other ranges of experience, the contrast between here and the pre-physical ranges may very well magnify all experiences in all of the ranges and maybe our ability to easily move between ranges is also part of that exploration and amplification process. An analogy that came to mind was from the ashram in Canada where I lived years ago. It had previously been a resort so had a pool and jumping into the pool on a summer day was wonderful, of course. But there was a sauna just 10 feet from the edge of the pool and if you walked out of the sauna, then directly into the pool, that was a whole different experience. So that contrast, just like longer wavelengths to shorter or vice versa, can be a striking difference and all of it can be played with, explored, and enjoyed. Being embodied here makes the longest of wavelengths interact with the shorter ones of this realm and the variations and the intensities can come together in a joyous dance of splashing and playing. There is a sense of pure childlike play in flowing back and forth between long and short, high and low, particle and wave, particularly if one is cognizant of the game.

I have sometimes wondered why some people were so uninterested in how consciousness worked, how their own minds worked, where their idiosyncrasies and behaviors came from and what they were driven by. I remember thinking that “maybe some people are just here to play.” Perhaps all of us are just here to play, but to play in our own way with our preferences, delights and desires. Like children, almost all of us want to share our most joyful experiences. Maybe for some it is just vacation time, for others, perhaps creating and sharing experiences is what calls to them. The planning, and the deliberate execution, of the next most beautiful experience does seem to nudge out enjoyment for a time. Becoming and Being oscillating again, no doubt. I will not ignore the active energy of Becoming but that is not my focus here. One can either experience what is, or imagine and create something new to experience, then make it happen. Take your pick at any moment in time.

I will also note that it appears that most people will not experience playfulness or joy in the forceful acclimation of our longer wavelengths coming into this physical density. I suspect that this process results in much of the suffering in the world. The Hindus have described the experience of death as that of removing a tight shoe. Imagine trying to squeeze into that shoe in the first place, and without remembering the reason for putting it on. It does seem like acclimating to embodiment is a process that demands attention and concerted effort but having this broad view of the pursuit of experiences does make it all feel easier to me at this moment. The Hindus also say that god created the universe for Lila, their word for sport or play, so play with it.

What I have also noticed is that the experience of thinking of a loved one is also wonderful, as different as it is to actually being with them. Any of my 1,100+ folks (see Integrating the We) who brought me joy in my life, STILL bring me joy when they come to mind. The experience of anticipation is another unique experience, and though it is not at all like the presence of whatever is anticipated, it too can be enjoyed as the experience that it is. The memories of past joyful events too are very different than the events themselves, but they have a deliciousness of their very own to imbibe and appreciate. Here I will also note that being completely enveloped in one experience, or flitting from one to another, as the “monkey mind” describes, or anywhere in between are all just experiences, preferences allowed.

So perhaps it is true that life doesn’t mean anything. It’s all here to be experienced and our choices, and those of our companions, drive which ones we choose to focus on. Add meaning and stir, if you like.

I’ll end with two lines from the book, Sri Aurobindo or the Adventures of Consciousness, which I have quoted before but seem particularly pertinent here: “She hurls herself forth outside Him in a burst of joy to play at finding Him again in Time – He and She, two in one.” And: “For such is the goal of our evolution in the end: joy.”

 And this quote from the Upanishads seems to fit in here too: “From Delight all these beings are born, by Delight they exist and grow, to Delight they return.”